Friday, May 29, 2009

How to make/bake tamil commercial cinema

A conversation between Mamooty(deva) and Rajnikant (surya) from ManiRatnam's Thalapathi(A smart adaptation of Karna)

Deva(D): En surya En.. Tamila en intha madiri mokkai commercial padama eddukuraanga..En da..
Surya(s): A small silence..(actually controlling emotions..fingers folded)
D: Neeeyum intha categoryla iruukuranala..
s: naan nadiganaanu santhegapaduriya deva.. Yedhuthuko.. Intha Uyir irrukura varaikkum naan hero va than da hero na ennanu theriyumma.. Fan support na ennanu theriyumma..

D: stunned by surya's outburst..
s: Evalo vissiyam irruku oru commercial cinema le...

I hereby explain u how to make/take/bake tamil commercial cinema :)
lets take the required ingredients for the movie..

6 songs

a)intro song with message and with youth, old people dancing, flowers flying, everyone liking hero

b)before love acceptance by heroine(in some foreign location, dancing in foreign streets..with foreigners kaevallamma look vutting)

c)after love (again some another foreign location, pink shirts, green pants, yellow shoes, heroine dress..poduraangala)

d)one unnecssary song to inserted somewhere..(1. mostly item number by any actress whose market is almost negligible or (2) a rags to riches songs where hero becomes rich in 1 song)

e)Kuthu climax song (in a suuubber nad colourful sets (yellow,blue, red) paced, danndanakka style)

f)Theme song(background song for hero build up)

At the end of the day, film music proportional to Cigaratte, popcorn, ice cream business in theatre.

Casting and Acting

Mother,sister,father,aunty ,uncle sentiments

Innocent and Sexy Heroine (salary is inversely proportional to their costumes)..

Ordinary heroes with extraordinary powers

Stunts scenes defying gravity( thanks to ropes n graphics)

Punch dialogues(with fire.. " Nee adicha Peesu.. Naan adicha Maasssu " style)

Really ruthless and terrorizing villains (on their eyesight government will change)

Hero is always a kind-hearted, mother fearing, people caring person who does
different innovative, stylish things in different movies( tie handkerchief in left hand in 1 right hand in another)

When hero takes revenge on villain, his eyes shud become red..

Pakistan terrorist and gr8 international smugglers will speak tamil only..

The jurisdiction of the hero is limited to making changes in script, write lyrics, sing song, edit with editor.

Now that we have got all the ingredients for the movie.. Mix everything in such a way to give "comedy->song->action..comedy(iteratively)" sequence to give a commercial panchamirtham.

A perfect commercial movie is ready to be watched..

1. The post comes as a result of me watching Thoranai in theatre, Villu and Silambattam in laptop and Veerasaamy in KTv (Switched off after a while.. cudnt take it)

2. Dare someone watch all add to this sequence u need to watch Daas.. Lovable rascal movie also..


Harishankaran said...

Good one :) Is your movie also going to follow the same pattern? :)

Vinod said...

ah ha..asingapduthureenga aaduji.. There are already so many ppl doin these things.. :P i wont do these movies definitely..